The family is an open system in continuous movement and restructuring, always seeking stability and/or balance among all its members.
The family facing a member with special needs
Social or family circumstances sometimes change, and then it’s necessary to find a way to adapt, in order to maintain the system’s continuity. When this happens, the focus is not only on addressing the needs of the family as a unit, but also on addressing the emotional needs of each family member. Any change or event that happens to one member affects the other members of that family system in one way or another; that is, the family is an interactive and interrelational system.
However, each family is unique, and its way of functioning will also be unique. There are no specific criteria that dictate what a perfect family system would be like, and therefore, there are no perfect families, nor perfect beings.
Adapting to a child with special needs
The fact of having a child with an exceptionality or different ability is not a simple change that the family has to make to reorganize; it is a situation that will have an impact throughout their life or family cycle, as expectations, attitudes, and values will change as a result of the announcement or the arrival of the child with that different ability.
As mentioned earlier, the arrival of a child with difficulties or different abilities requires more than just a simple adaptation.
Firstly, the family has to prepare to receive this being, as they face new and different things they didn’t expect; they face the “exceptionality” of their child.
Secondly, the exceptionality of their child puts them in contact with a medical world, social services, and education that they previously didn’t know.
And finally, but no less importantly, to the uncertainty, insecurity, and emotions that are generated in parents regarding their children’s future.
That’s why it’s important to be informed by qualified professionals in the field, whether they are medical specialists, psychologists, therapists, etc. During the different stages your child goes through (infancy, adolescence, maturity), remembering and being aware that the child largely depends on the well-being of the parents. In other words: IF THE PARENTS ARE WELL, EMOTIONALLY AND FAMILIALLY, THE CHILD OR CHILDREN WILL BE WELL.
As long as there is love, affection, understanding, and support in the family and as a couple, children are secure children, growing emotionally strong, regardless of the exceptionality. Therefore, the emotional reactions of the parents will lead to the adaptation or maladaptation of the family.
It is important that upon receiving the news of the child’s exceptionality, the first ones to receive emotional attention are the parents.
Family stages when facing a child with special needs
According to Klaus and Klennell, the stages that parents of an exceptional child go through are:
- Shock
- Disbelief or denial
- Sadness, anxiety, anger, and guilt
- Balance
- Emotional adjustment
This last stage leads to family reorganization.
Admitting those negative feelings that arise, letting them flow, being able to talk about them, greatly helps to release those feelings and emotions and gives us the opportunity to seek the best solution to move forward.
Remembering that the best professional support is to offer parents attentive, calm, understanding listening and feelings of empathy.