Studies indicate that more divorces and separations occur in summer than in other seasons of the year. To talk to us about this phenomenon, we interviewed Raquel Ballesteros, a lecturer on the Master in Clinical Sexology and Couple Therapy, who explains how couple therapy can help resolve problems, even preventing a breakup. The Master in Clinical Sexology and Couple Therapy is aimed at specializing psychologists who wish to delve into the world of couple conflict resolution.
Summer arrives, and it is during these months that a greater number of separations are registered. What is this due to?
During the summer months, unresolved differences and conflicts can appear more easily, especially if there is already poor communication with the partner and/or an inadequate way of resolving problems. What we may have been avoiding or covering up during the rest of the year (by being immersed in multiple activities) is likely to “come to light” in summer.
Furthermore, summer is a space for evasion and freedom where differences in the way each member of the couple behaves can become more evident. Conflicts often arise with the planning of activities carried out in summer or with the meaning we give to these dates.
By spending more hours together each day, the probabilities of having to put common decision-making, negotiation, and the management of our intimacy and personal space into practice will increase. These are skills we should be accustomed to and trained in using regularly.
Can couple therapy prevent divorces?
Couple therapy is very useful for defining the objectives of each member of the couple and being able to agree on or implement certain tools, in order to save a relationship or mediate a consensual divorce (in a minority of cases). Because certainly, most couples who seek therapy are couples who are committed to working and overcoming difficulties in the relationship.
And with this aim, intervention can be very effective, working on aspects that will significantly improve the relationship and prevent a breakup. These aspects include: assertive communication, negotiation, expression of feelings, conflict resolution, task distribution, management of routine and shared leisure time, creative sexuality, etc.
There is always fear of asking for help with issues related to relationships, love, or sex. Why do you think these fears still exist?
Socially, we are increasingly familiar with psychological terms and more involved in working on and solving emotional problems. However, there are still many taboos, beliefs, and limiting and maladaptive ideas about emotions, sexuality, love, and relationships.
Working on a relationship and/or sexuality requires a commitment to oneself and to the other. A double effort in which we must commit, risk showing our difficulties, and share our most intimate space with our partner and our therapist.
Does the perfect relationship exist?
The “ideal partner” or “soulmate” are myths that society and/or cinema and the media have tried to sell us. But certainly, we will never find that person who fits one hundred percent with our expectations and desires.
We can fall in love and feel attracted to someone with a similar life philosophy and similar tastes and preferences, but each member of a relationship has their own personality, their past history, their routines and customs, which will inevitably be different and can come into conflict.
That is why, from a psychological point of view, the “perfect” relationship will be one that views personal differences as opportunities to learn and enrich oneself. Showing openness and receptiveness to the needs of the other and always being willing to negotiate and seek solutions in situations of confrontation.
A relationship is an adventure in constant evolution, and keeping it alive requires constant work of acceptance. Believing in the ideal relationship and waiting for “Prince or Princess Charming” often excuses us from having to do this work and from facing difficulties and discomfort as part of the process and living together as a couple.