How long does love last?
Many people wonder, when an emotional relationship starts having problems, if love has a limited duration. There are many proverbs and sayings about this, but does love really end? How can a romantic relationship be made to last longer? Is there really a predisposition for a couple to last only a short time?
Dr. Enrique García Huete, an expert in clinical psychology and coaching, is a trainer at ISEP, where he has given several seminars on ‘Love and Couple Relationships’, and helps us understand, in the summary of his interview, some misconceptions about this topic.
Couple Compatibility
Contrary to the popular saying that opposites attract, and with the view that a relationship is the union of compatible and complementary people, Dr. García Huete indicates that “in addition to biological, hormonal, chemical aspects… there are variables of personality, intelligence, and others that allow predicting whether you are more or less compatible. The most similar are more compatible”.
Throughout our lives, we establish relationships with many partners, even looking at the couples around us, those of our friends and acquaintances, we can find relationships that you wouldn’t bet on lasting long, but surprisingly they last ten years or more.
“There are three factors that determine the success of a couple’s relationship: attraction, coexistence or love/friendship, and responsible love, where life values and goals can ensure a prolonged relationship,” states Dr. García Huete.
How long will a couple’s relationship last?
It is very important to differentiate between two types of love: passionate love and stable/cohabiting love. Although it cannot be considered exact, because there are factors very difficult to control and predict, there are studies with which Dr. García Huete indicates that “if it is only passionate love, the duration is no more than 3-4 years.” On the opposite side, where sexual attraction is not the only basic pillar of the relationship, but there is cohabiting love and responsible love, “the relationship can be extended indefinitely.”
Furthermore, within responsible love, there are values and beliefs that are of great importance, for example, staying together for the children during a crisis, staying with the partner to reduce the economic problems of living alone, staying together to avoid the feeling of loneliness, etc. The truth is that a couple’s relationship can survive without love.
How to solve couple problems
In either type of relationship, although less so in the first type, where the loss of sexual attraction usually leads to the end of the relationship, it is not usually a mutual decision, and it is one of the two parties that decides to end the relationship.
Of course, it is different to leave the other person than to be the one who is left, and usually, the one who leaves does so because they think they will be better off ending the relationship. But, if you are the person who is left, you will have to work through the loss and restructure a new life plan.
If the relationship has broken down, attending therapy can help reduce suffering and accelerate the transition to a better situation. If not all is lost, a timely consultation reduces conflict levels and avoids what is most frequent: seeking help when the conflict is long and intense.
Dr. Enrique García Huete
Dr. Enrique García Huete has over fifteen years of experience in communication skills training and conflict resolution. This accredits him as one of the most prominent psychologists in selection processes for reality or talent shows in Spain. He is the author of Learning to Think Well and The Art of Relating.