When in a romantic relationship one of the two members exhibits jealousy out of the ordinary, one should not be fooled into believing that person is jealous because they are madly in love. A jealous man or a jealous woman will begin to distrust their partner, and little by little the relationship will turn into a battlefield where communication and dialogue will be absent. These practices can become pathological jealousy and reach the extreme where the person will forbid their partner from going out alone, talking to friends, getting ready, dressing well, and even working, thinking they might be unfaithful at work.
Jealousy can be explained as an intense emotion experienced when there is an exaggerated desire to exclusively possess one’s partner. It represents insecurity and is generally suffered by people who feel inferior and threatened with losing their partner.
Jealousy and its common characteristics
Jealousy is self-destructive, causes discomfort, anguish, sadness, stress, nervousness, headaches, and can even lead to more serious problems, such as suicide attempts and psychosis. Through ISEP’s Master’s in Clinical Sexology and Couple’s Therapy, professionals will be trained to recognize the different types of jealousy. It is important for a professional, when conducting couple’s treatments, to be able to identify, classify, and adapt therapies depending on the type of jealousy present in the relationship between individuals. Below, we explain its different types.
Pathological jealousy and other types of jealousy
Manifest Jealousy
Manifest jealousy occurs when the person distrusts their partner and interrogates them about their co-workers, university colleagues, etc. They show anger when they see their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend talking to someone without them being present. They distrust their partner even more when they fail to make them confess who they talked to or saw during the day and desire a daily report on their partner, for which they constantly harass them.
Hidden Jealousy
Hidden jealousy occurs when the person does not complain about male or female friends of their partner, but exhibits rude attitudes and continuous reproaches towards their partner; they try to minimize them professionally, or negatively criticize the activities they perform (sports, leisure, etc.), as well as their social circle (family, friends) with the aim that they do not feel superior under any circumstances.
Pathological Jealousy
Pathological jealousy occurs when the conviction and belief in the partner’s infidelity is irrefutable and the certainty that reality as perceived is absolute, so the jealous experience can be completely delusional. A delusional idea is considered a “false personal belief based on incorrect inferences about external reality, a belief held firmly despite what almost everyone else believes and despite what constitutes obvious and indisputable proof or evidence to the contrary” (APA, 1994). In this case, what is important is not the jealousy itself, but the delusion of deception that exists behind it (Santolaya, 2010).
These jealousies are extreme. The partner pursues their boyfriend, lover, or spouse and constantly watches and stalks them, checks their phone, clothing items, backpack, and sometimes even pays a private detective to follow their partner without them realizing it. When pathological jealousy appears in the relationship to stay, it is most likely that the partner who is being dominated will disappear (Cahue, 2013).
Although traditionally the treatment of choice for delusional disorder of the jealous type has always been pharmacological (neuroleptics and even some latest-generation antidepressants), from the perspective of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the therapeutic approach to pathological jealousy (passionate and obsessive) focuses basically on modifying the delusional belief and its emotional and behavioral consequences. This is also the focus of ISEP’s couple’s therapy training.
Treatment of Jealousy
Below we explain the basis of this therapeutic approach and its basic elements:
Therapeutic Objectives
Through these approaches, the aim is for the patient to recognize the delusion or morbid jealousy as a belief and not an objective fact (A); that their delusion represents a reaction and an attempt to make sense of their experience; that they understand that many of the disturbances they suffer are linked to the delusion (B) and, therefore, are not inevitable consequences of their experience (A). And, finally, that they reject (after the discussion and verification process) the delusion in favor of an alternative explanatory framework (new B) that is less disturbing and produces fewer negative effects (new C).
Problem Formulation
Once a relationship of trust has been established with the patient, the evaluation completed, and the degree of conviction in the delusional beliefs determined, the patient’s problem is formulated by explaining the possible connections between their experiences, their interpersonal style, significant events, the onset of the problem, and the analysis of the current ABC. The objective is for the patient to develop an alternative explanation and their own (ABC) formulation, that their emotional disturbances are not the result of the delusions themselves, but of the interpretations they make of them.
Verbal Dispute
Once the belief system and the events related to the delusional idea are understood, its modification proceeds. For this, it is necessary to debate and test the inferences (statements that may or may not be true) made by the patient through the analysis of evidence and the generation of an alternative framework. As a procedure to control delusions, verbal dispute is used, a process carried out through the superposition of the following steps:
1. Questioning the evidence of beliefs derived from their pathological jealousy.
2. Questioning the internal consistency and plausibility of their jealousy.
3. Offering an alternative explanation of events.
4. Assessment of the delusional idea and alternative explanation for their pathological jealousy in light of the new available information. In addition to debating and testing evaluations, especially those that cause greater discomfort, behavioral experiments are designed with the patient and put into practice to try to validate or invalidate the belief or part of it.
Eliminating Jealousy
Can jealousy be eliminated? It is difficult to give an answer. Each case is different; obviously, various behavioral strategies are carried out to reduce the checking behaviors and control rituals that the patient exerts over their partner’s behavior (constant calls, checking their partner’s phone, checking for smells, sound recordings, etc.) through response prevention and seeking agreement from both parties not to respond to security calls, with the aim of eliminating the negative reinforcement that these represent for the symptomatic picture of the patient exhibiting pathological jealousy.
Similarly, deactivation and massive (imagined) exposure techniques to fears are used with the aim of producing a satiation of phobic stimuli and reducing the anxiety derived from the emotional discomfort caused by these (phobic) stimuli.
In parallel, a modification of distorted thoughts or beliefs associated with fundamental fears in pathological jealousy is carried out.
Training and specialization with a Master’s in Couple’s Therapy is indispensable to face these types of cases with confidence and effectiveness.