Most people face a tough emotional grief after a relationship breakdown. The idea of failure and the feeling of abandonment are often the main protagonists in these cases.
How is emotional grief worked on in consultation with patients who have just been left?
Patients begin the grieving process by asking themselves questions and being skeptical about their own negative thoughts. When they do, they often notice a reduction in their depressive symptoms. When feeling like a failure, we can help them with questions that make them objective and allow them to see that their situation is not unique, nor definitive.
Are all people who have separated a failure? Can you think of someone who has been left and doesn’t feel that way? How does being separated translate into a failure as a person for you?
In the Master in Clinical Sexology and Couples Therapy you discover that the phases of a breakup are similar to those of grief. Sometimes, it’s even more painful. When someone dies, the chapter closes, but in a breakup, the person is still there, and we know they no longer want to be with you.
Patients will go through denial, where they will not accept that the relationship has ended; anger, rage, and fury, in which they will look for the reasons for what happened; negotiation, where they will begin to look for solutions; sadness and pain itself, where they will mourn that pain. “I’m so sad,” “I want to die, what’s the point?”; and, finally, acceptance, in which they will assume what has happened. “This has to happen, there’s no solution, I can’t fight reality.” Some authors also propose a sixth phase: assimilation. In it, everything is overcome, assimilated, and you can talk about it without getting emotional.
Indeed, there is a grieving period that can last up to two years, but, in reality, that time is very relative and personal. The key is, above all, to accept the situation, to recognize that the story has ended, and to know how to put an end to it.
It is necessary to work with the patient on what fuels the flame of pain. Stop and control the things that remind them of that person: songs, photos, books, places, etc. And also work on and rebuild damaged self-esteem.
It is important not to look for a partner as soon as possible, as in that case, they would be substituting the affection they lack, and this can cause a certain dependency. The goal is to learn to live with oneself. To know how to enjoy and feel good. The key is that despite the suffering, the patient remains active.
Clinical sexology training is essential to safely and effectively undertake therapeutic work to treat emotional grief.