As Paul Watzlawick said in his famous axiom, it is impossible not to communicate. Both what we manifest and what we don’t, transmits something about us; even our silence communicates. That is why, in the psychological sphere, we have been emphasizing the importance of everything related to non-verbal language for decades. Authors vary the percentage of value given to this type of communication, but in all cases, it is assumed to account for an overwhelming percentage compared to verbal communication, which is what we try to educate and develop the most. Whether we want to or not, we send emotional signals in every encounter, and these signals affect the people we are with. In fact, the more socially skilled we are, the better we control the signals we emit (Goleman 1995). It is not advisable, however, to be misled by homogeneous and simplistic interpretations like those that are proliferating again today in certain media: there is no definitive manual or magic formula; gestures must be analyzed in their situational and cultural context, and even the idiosyncrasy of the individual and the recipients will vary their possible meaning and interpretation.
Mastery of Non-Verbal Language in Psychology
We should not take all this communication as an annoying challenge to overcome or master; its existence is not accidental. Ethology has highlighted to us that non-verbal communication possesses an undeniable evolutionary advantage. Darwin himself referred to it in his work “The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals” as early as the 19th century, and these manifestations allow other members of the species to have external evidence of the individual’s internal state and remain present, inevitably, due to the value they had at the time for the evolution of the species (Hinde 1972, Tinbergen 1952). Today, thanks to social psychology, we can universally identify correspondences in at least five gestures that express our shared basic emotions, namely, fear, sadness, anger, joy, and disgust (Baron and Byrne 1998).
However, today, courses and workshops on how to express oneself correctly are proliferating. Likewise, there are countless individual and couple therapies in which professionals hear expressions such as “I feel that people don’t understand me” or “nobody pays attention to what I say and I don’t know why” or “I don’t feel understood.” Well, what has happened for human beings to have lost the mastery we were born with, that which made us capable of successfully manipulating our entire environment practically since we were newborns? It is perhaps an inherent fact of our “information society.” Inevitably, we will all find ourselves immersed in an unwanted struggle between our instinctive side and our social and strategic facet, and it is not at all easy to consistently fake this communication. There are, for example, involuntary patterns in genuine emotions, such as the famous Duchenne smile: it is the spontaneous smile, which has to do with the limbic system that broadly manages physiological responses to emotional stimuli, as opposed to the smile we can emit forcibly or the so-called “social smile,” which involves the motor cortex, resulting from the individual’s will rather than a genuine expression of joy.
Non-Verbal Communication and Psychology
At a therapeutic level, in psychological consultation, it is important to consider two possible difficulties. The first, very common in novice therapists, is the excessive congruence in the way of tuning in with a client, that is, extreme care in emitting communications that seek to increase rapport, a legitimate purpose, since gestural attitude can transmit more information than that emitted by words or verbal language, including intonation curves (Pease 1987). However, the attempt often turns out to be so exaggerated that it completely destroys naturalness, so the result can resemble the interpretation of a bad actor or one of those TV sales commercials broadcast at unusual hours. The second difficulty, on the contrary, usually affects more experienced therapists, and consists of becoming a mere reflector of problems (generally due to excessive workload). That is why, in our context, it is necessary to constantly aspire to position ourselves in a way that not only transmits identification, the reflection of our clients’ thoughts and emotions, but also, it is our responsibility to include non-directive suggestions or exercises to help affected individuals identify, unblock, or address a possible deficit. These actions align with a level five empathy (the maximum) on the scale created to categorize this skill (Cormier, William H. Sherilyn 1979). All this while continuing to increase rapport through voice tone, tempo, inflection, and posture, thus facilitating a solid therapeutic alliance and, therefore, increasing the probability that therapeutic suggestions will be accepted and integrated.
Regarding psychological counseling in this area, it is often essential, not only in terms of mere training (social skills role-playing) and error identification, but also concerning the mental contents that underlie the performance of a non-verbal expression that does not achieve the intended objectives, neither accompanying nor emphasizing what is intended to be transmitted, but rather invalidating it. Intervention is necessary because, after all, all non-verbal communication is a product of two factors: what a person is telling themselves and how they perceive others. Therefore, the best short course, workshop, or preparation for the best presentation will be useless if this crucial aspect is not addressed first.
We conclude by repeating the words that begin this article: indeed, there is no unsuccessful communication, but rather undesired results. So, the important thing is to be able to transmit what we want and not inadvertently produce an undesired result. Here are five basic aspects that facilitate success:
Keys to Successful Non-Verbal Communication
You must make eye contact. It is no less pertinent for being obvious. Lack of attention due to mobile devices and the “sphinx-like” way of speaking (sideways) is surprisingly common. Likewise, you should not maintain a fixed gaze for too long; you should fluctuate it gently (evolutionarily, our fixed gaze indicates aggression or infatuation).
Hands should generally never be closed in a fist gesture, and in any presentation, they should move in the space between the waist and the chest.
Do not raise physical barriers, at least not exaggerated ones, such as placing hands at neck or mouth level, holding a coffee for example, or putting arms akimbo.
Pay attention to the feet: they often go unnoticed but usually provide extra information about attention. An inverted “V” posture will give an impression of passivity and shyness, and placing legs apart with crossed arms results in an “alpha posture” that tries to impose its message authoritatively and closes itself off to suggestions.
It is fundamental to respect personal space, the social, intimate, and public distance, according to the level of familiarity we have with the person.
The Master’s in Clinical and Health Psychology at ISEP takes into account non-verbal communication during the clinical interview, and among the specific competencies you will acquire when completing it is the development of basic therapist skills: empathy, active listening, positive acceptance, etc.