Open or semi-open couples: both members of the couple -or one of them while the other maintains their monogamy- have the freedom to engage in sexual relationships with third parties).
An open couple allows for sexual encounters outside the relationship, not parallel romantic relationships.
A study by the company Sondea (2012) on sexology and couples therapy established that more than a third of the adult population in Spain has been unfaithful at some point. The percentage is similar for men and women. It therefore doesn’t seem so strange that some relationships try to convert an undeniable reality into a normality that doesn’t disturb their life together, eliminating obligations, deceptions, and hypocrisies that condition love.
Dr. José Díaz Morfa (2014), psychiatrist and president of the Spanish Association of Clinical Sexology, refers to studies that state that between 5% and 8% of stable relationships could be considered open couples, in which sex with third parties is consented to. “This type of union is only viable if it is formed by self-confident individuals, with their own unimpressionable criteria and less dependent on the other. And if they work, it is precisely because there is a deep and healthy love that demonstrates respect above all,” states the specialist.
However, just as in conventional couples, bonds are often established on flawed agreements: one of the two may admit that the relationship is free as a way to channel their insecurity: “I don’t want to lose you, that’s why I allow you to be with others.” In that case, conflict is inevitable, and the chances of failure skyrocket.
Open Couples: The Most Natural Option?
Marta Ibáñez Sainz-Pardo (2014), a psychologist specializing in sexual therapy, has an answer based on her professional experience: “It is very possible that open relationships are a more natural option. Monogamy is just part of a cultural convention that tells you what the correct love is. In a world without preconceived ideas, freedom within relationships would be an enriching element. But of course, that’s pure theory, because the burden of our education is too heavy.”
An open couple does not mean that no rules are established. “On the contrary, everything must be very well tied down,” notes Marta Ibáñez. “The agreement between both must be clear and must include the aspects on which both their own relationship and external ones will be based. When this is not the case, the feeling of betrayal is the same as that produced by infidelity in a conventional couple,” emphasizes Díaz Morfa.
Jealousy will appear at some point. It’s a normal reaction. “Talk to your partner if you need to revisit the topic or take a break.” This should be recommended in therapy, as we point out in the Master in Clinical Sexology and Couples Therapy ISEP.
In current times, any proposal for an “open couple” still tends to trigger feelings of insecurity and jealousy in its members and unsettling fears of loss. In reality, many people consider that if a couple is formed in an open relationship, why be a couple? In such cases, it’s better to let only a pure friendship be established between them. Therefore, it must be recognized that in most current cultures, we are not prepared to assume with understanding and maturity the so-called sexual infidelity of our partner. This is still often associated not only with a painful “they no longer love me,” but also with the shame of feeling that every caress received was born from a divided heart and therefore had a touch of farce.
The Swinger Phenomenon Studied in the Master in Clinical Sexology
At this point regarding open or semi-open couples, it is worth highlighting the “Swingers” phenomenon, which is covered in the Master in Clinical Sexology and Couples Therapy ISEP. The word “swinger” refers to single individuals or couples, with a greater sexual openness than average, who decide to exercise their responsible freedom in relation to their sexual life. This includes partner swapping, group sex with three or more people, and all variants that may arise from this, depending on personal preferences in each case. A recurring issue that generates discomfort and sometimes pressure is when one member of the couple wishes to enter this world and the other member refuses. Therefore, these types of relationships can degenerate into a definitive breakup of the couple.
Specific training in couples therapy, such as that offered by ISEP with the Master in Clinical Sexology and Couples Therapy, helps therapists attend to couples of this type in consultation where there are discrepancies, or helps those who are unclear about their sexuality to understand that each person sets their own limits.