Psychologist Raquel Ballesteros, online tutor for the Master’s in Clinical and Health Psychology, detected in her practice that many patients found it difficult to learn to be more assertive and to improve their social skills. Through therapeutic work, she managed to simulate situations with which patients could improve their communication and personal relationships, directly influencing their self-esteem. To disseminate and make this knowledge accessible to everyone, she decided to create Viñetas para vivir, a comic strip project to improve and playfully train social and emotional skills.
Seeing the good reception of this format, she has ventured to publish Waiter, this coffee is cold!, a book on psychology and social skills in comic strips to better understand assertiveness, communication, and personal relationships. Through the adventures of three characters, you will be able to recognize those around you and feel identified, as well as learn to deal with everyday life situations.
On the occasion of its publication and launch, we spoke with its author and our collaborator to learn a little more about the importance of assertiveness.
What is assertiveness?
Being assertive is being authentic; it is communicating from the heart, from calm and love, and not from fear, anger, guilt, shame, etc.
An assertive person is one who respects their emotions and listens to those of others, being able to communicate what they feel, think, and desire in a clear, transparent, and calm manner.
In the book, do you explain that there are three ways to behave or relate to others: aggressively, assertively, and passively?
Yes, although there are many individual differences and each of us will react in one way or another depending on the context or our mood, for me, it is the simplest and most visual way to understand the two polarities and ways of reacting to a situation, compared to the assertive mode, which would be the balance.
We behave more passively when we prioritize the other person and make an effort to avoid being rejected, either by conciliating, avoiding conflict, yielding, or withdrawing. The aggressive person, however, puts up barriers and protects themselves from others through control.
Assertiveness would be that middle ground, a point of balance that, as humans, is difficult to achieve in all situations and contexts; however, we can train to improve it day by day.
How does being more assertive and having good social skills influence our lives?
Being more assertive allows us to achieve our purposes and objectives (whether it’s meeting new people, maintaining relationships, getting a job, resolving a negotiation or a conflict). If we can be more authentic and spontaneous in our relationships and break down communication barriers, we will undoubtedly enjoy greater self-esteem and be happier.
Why is it so difficult for us to communicate?
Basically, because we don’t know ourselves and lack clarity and awareness of our desires and what we need in a given situation. From a very young age, we have been taught to pay a lot of attention externally: What is correct? What is expected? How can I be a better student or a better child? We have disconnected from our emotions, from our essence, to please others and adapt to our family, as it is our only way to survive as babies and children. Then, as adults, we react to the demands of others aggressively or, on the contrary, we continue in our pattern of trying to fit in, for fear of rejection. And from there, we get blocked and find it difficult to express what we truly desire.
The book is available in Castilian Spanish and Catalan. You can purchase it in bookstores throughout Spain and large establishments or receive it at your home through: lectio.es