Surrounding ourselves with a favorable environment and knowing how to choose the people we have close to us and with whom we share our time is of vital importance for our personal or professional development. And it is that we often do not realize the influence they have on our growth, favoring it, preventing it, or limiting it.
We have all had the feeling at some point of being “exhausted” or “drained” after meeting someone or after a family gathering.
These are “toxic” relationships, and it is important to start recognizing them.
Just as a plant will not grow healthy if we do not water it and do not provide it with favorable conditions (sun, fertilizer, etc.), the same will happen with our personal development if we do not “nourish” ourselves with the right environment. And it is true that there are people who give us fuel and others who take it away.
It seems very obvious, but we often spend time complaining about someone’s behavior or attitude towards us, without taking responsibility and/or ending this relationship. Or we end up absorbing the attitudes of these types of people, without realizing that we are more negative and/or “bitter” than before entering the relationship.
How to distinguish a “healthy” relationship from a “toxic” one?
To take responsibility for your relationships, start by analyzing the people around you (family, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, doctors, advisors, etc.). Which ones add, and which ones subtract?
While it is true that there are certain relationships that we cannot choose (like family), we can define the way we relate, whether we have more or less contact, or if we set limits.
The people who “nourish” us are those who bring well-being to our lives. Those with whom, after having contact, we feel more energetic, self-confident, or motivated.
How can you find or differentiate those people who help you grow from those who don’t? And how can we gradually select and surround ourselves with a more favorable environment for us?
I invite you to do an exercise and take action!
Of the people you frequent, I encourage you to think about those who:
– Inspire admiration in you.
– Do not judge others or themselves.
– Do not often complain about their luck or about things.
– Have clear goals and work to achieve them.
– Are optimistic and brave, accustomed to facing their fears.
– Are constantly growing and learning.
– Are people with whom you can talk, trust, and show yourself as you are.
Well, it probably won’t be so easy to find someone who meets each and every one of the “requirements.” Often, not even we ourselves meet them! But being aware of this and looking for people who come close will make us better people and make us question our way of living.
Be warned that when we make a change in mindset and want to take another step in our lives, we often have to set limits, “detach” or distance ourselves from those who are not on the same path (and who “put spokes in our wheels”). This is a brave step that will have its benefits in the medium to long term.
Raquel Ballesteros
Professor of the Master’s in Clinical and Health Psychology, and the Master’s in Sexual and Couples Therapy at ISEP