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Traditional couple therapy suggests that to solve problems, it is essential to generate a change in each member of the couple; however, Jacobson and Christensen (1996; 1998) postulated that the key to achieving a better outcome is to combine these changes with the emotional acceptance of the couple.
Since then, a new intervention known as Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) was configured. The term integrative derives from the processes of change and acceptance that generate balance in each couple (Barraca, 2015).
It is worth noting that couple acceptance is not about assuming an individual problem or letting the other member do whatever they want. In this sense, the emphasis of IBCT is on the recipient of the behavior and their emotional response to it (how they value and take into account the sender’s behavior).
Therefore, it moves from an approach of behavior governed by rules typical of traditional therapy to behavior shaped by contingencies, where the important thing lies in contact with the couple’s natural reinforcers, so that improvement is not due to something artificial based on exchanges or efforts to adjust to what is “appropriate” (socially accepted rules), but rather to what is useful for this particular couple in their personal coexistence (Barraca, 2015).
Within IBCT, there are two categories of intervention:
those aimed at promoting acceptance and tolerance,
and those focused on promoting change.
Acceptance strategies are used as tools to manage incompatibilities, differences that seem irreconcilable, or problems that are not fully resolved.
The couple’s therapist formulates the problem and the couple’s negative behaviors, emphasizing the pain each experiences and their mutual efforts to alleviate it.
Each member of the couple is required to experience the problem in a different context, repeatedly, or to talk about it on many occasions until mutual acceptance is achieved.
Likewise, acceptance helps both members distance themselves from their conflicts and discussions, promoting an objective problem-solving analysis and fostering fair and descriptive dialogues.
Through it, the couple is invited to face the problem together (Barraca, 2015).
Tolerance strategies, on the other hand, represent a different degree from acceptance. They are put into practice when previous strategies have not worked as expected. The idea of tolerance strategies is that if acceptance cannot be reached, at least the couple members tolerate each other’s behavior as best as possible (Barraca, 2015).
In the intervention aimed at promoting change, two techniques are found:
a) behavioral exchange, designed directly to modify problematic behaviors in a positive direction through instructions and a very directive role on the part of the therapist, and
b) communication and problem-solving training, through which the couple is taught to listen and express themselves honestly and clearly, but without offending the other person, always accompanied by acceptance work. The aim is to promote that pain can be expressed without offense and accusation (Barraca, 2015).
Let’s look at a case presented as an example within ISEP’s Master’s in Clinical Sexology and Couple Therapy:
Ariadna is a 42-year-old woman, married for 7 years to David, 41, with whom she has two children aged 3 and 5. The patient comments that she loves her husband very much and that he is a good man and a good father. However, she feels that David requests much more free time than she does to go motorcycling with friends, play padel, and/or have barbecues.
David, for his part, comments that he has always been a person who needs his personal spaces for disconnection and relief, that he feels overwhelmed and pressured at home because he works all day and upon arriving home only hears complaints from Ariadna regarding having to take care of the children, help her, and not go out so much on weekends.
Ariadna says that she doesn’t need to go out of the house as much or disconnect with friends every weekend (half a day or sometimes full days like David does), therefore, she doesn’t understand what is happening to her husband and perceives this need as excessive. She feels misunderstood, alone, and treated with inequity and injustice within the relationship.
Starting from Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy, the therapist presents the current problem and exposes the negative behaviors of each couple member: for Ariadna, the negative behavior is evident when David leaves for a day on the weekend and leaves her half the day or the whole day with friends, which makes her suffer since she feels that she is the one who doesn’t have free time for herself and the one who always has to sacrifice.
On the other hand, for David, negative behavior is observed when he goes out with friends, as Ariadna tells him to do whatever he considers, and after being half a day or the whole day with them, he comes home and only sees bad faces, reproaches, and little interest from his wife in knowing how it went and what he did. The patient suffers because he feels punished and little understood by his wife.
In the intervention based on Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy, significant work on communication and empathy was carried out, where each member of the couple had to put themselves in the other’s situation and indicate how they would feel occupying the inverse role.
Likewise, it was promoted that both work together to resolve the conflict, from the acceptance of the other. Ariadna assumed that her husband has different needs than hers, so she set aside the desire to “divide time 50/50 between each of them,” and David accepted that Ariadna feels unfairly treated, little supported, and alone in childcare on weekends, so he decided to regulate his outings and meet with friends every two weeks, for half a day, in order to spend more time with his wife and children the rest of the weekend.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]