Difficult emotions are those that often make us suffer and can end up triggering inappropriate behaviors, a source of more problems and greater suffering.
The practices of so-called ‘Buddhist’ psychology aim, besides alleviating suffering, to avoid the psychological damage that arises from emotional impact and to prevent inappropriate behaviors that can generate even more serious interpersonal conflicts. It is, then, about transforming emotional energy into positive outcomes such as: a better understanding of the situation, an increase in self-care, and, if circumstances require it, an appropriate external action to the stimulus in order to reorient the situation in a constructive direction.
In neurobiological terms: the aim is to ensure that we stay on the path of tolerance, in order to be able to respond to the challenge of the situation in an adaptive and harmonious way. As Daniel Siegel points out, “the vision of the mind allows us to direct the flow of energy and information towards integration” (2010), and integration leads to “the absence of illness and the emergence of well-being” (2010).
Vicente Simón has grouped the steps to emotional balance into seven, as a way to systematize which psychological gestures contribute to better regulating emotional experience:
Stop: implies that upon noticing an intense and unpleasant emotion arising within us, the appropriate action is to stop, pause, and focus our attention on that incipient emotional movement. Initially, it often takes effort to halt the process as it goes against what conditioning dictates. In this sense, emotion impels us to act impulsively and thoughtlessly. But instead, we stop and allow ourselves time to assess what is happening in our inner world. This way, we create the possibility of responding differently than usual.
Breathe deeply, calm down: once we stop, we proceed to calm ourselves. For this, it is useful to bring attention to the breath and the body. If the excitement is very intense, it is advisable to breathe deeply a couple of times, which promotes a decrease in activation. It is also appropriate to bring attention to those areas of the body where the emotion manifests. Once we calm down, it will be easier for us to be present in the emotional experience we are going through.
Become aware: refers to familiarizing ourselves with all possible aspects of the emotion we are experiencing or re-experiencing, not intellectually but experientially and viscerally. To do this, we imagine what situations are capable of triggering that emotion: What people? What thoughts? What memories? Subsequently, we give a name to the emotion we are feeling. Nowadays, it is known that when we label an emotion, it loses strength, so naming it is a way to appease it. Finally, we ask ourselves, if the emotion could speak, what would it tell us? What need does it reveal? What does it prompt us to do? In short, we observe without judgment the entire mental and bodily process that makes up the emotional experience. A key part of Buddhist psychology.
Accept the experience, allow the emotion: when observing the emotion, we must do so without resisting it, allowing it to be as it is. Initially, the feeling of aversion that the stimulus has awakened in us is perceived. We experience how resistance and rejection towards the situation arise, but instead of activating defense or avoidance mechanisms, we allow the emotion to manifest without obstacles and evolve within us, showing its full potential. Thus, we recognize it as an integral part of our reality and of reality in general.
Give ourselves affection (self-compassion): we must not let ourselves be consumed by emotions of pain, shame, anger, or inadequacy. There is always a part of us that wants to stay in that emotional place where resistance lies and wishes for time to stop, but if we let ourselves be carried away by this tendency, we get stuck. Therefore, we must try to connect with the part of us that remains whole and healthy and can function as a source of love and tenderness. If it is impossible for us to access that part of ourselves, we can momentarily resort to an external figure such as a family member or friend. We try to find that source of affection that is capable of alleviating the anguish and oppression we feel. We provide ourselves with love and tenderness and wish ourselves well-being, happiness, and peace.
Release the emotion, let it go: when the emotion has subsided a bit, it is good to begin to disidentify with it, thinking that we are not the emotion, but rather that we are only going to harbor it for a certain period of time. The emotion will remain active as long as we sustain it with thoughts and worries that feed it. Like everything that has a physical basis, emotion will tend to diminish over time and eventually disappear. We try to accelerate the process by not getting involved in the vicious cycle of thought-emotion; we just let it follow its natural course, decrease, and fade away. If we manage to create space within ourselves, we will see that the emotion can only occupy a small part of the overall space. Therefore, there is no reason to hold onto it, as it harms us. We let it go.
Act or not, depending on the circumstances: once the ’emotional storm’ phase has passed, it may be necessary to act. If the situation requires a response, we will be in a better position to generate it. The response arises spontaneously when we are in tune with the totality of the situation and flow. If it is not necessary to act immediately, it is best to wait until the emotional squall has completely subsided and we have assimilated the importance of its message. Even when the emotion has been fully assimilated, the appropriate response may take time, so let’s give ourselves time instead of acting hastily. In this sense, we are aware of what is happening but without identifying with it. This is what the state of presence consists of.
Currently, the training in emotional well-being psychotherapy is essential to offer a global therapy that goes beyond traditional psychotherapy. Now, patients in consultation come to us, psychologists, to be happy, because they feel an existential void. Regulating emotional experience can help them find balance and gain well-being.