Divorce is a fact that not only affects the couple, but also involves the children and, at times, the extended family for a prolonged period, especially if one parent dedicates themselves to campaigning negatively against the other parent. For example, when the other parent is discredited, when they are insulted in front of the children, when one “forgets” to inform the other parent about matters related to the minor (medical, school, extracurricular issues, etc.), when phone calls are avoided from being passed to the children, when activities are organized for the children during periods when the other parent has the right to be with them, when the other parent and their new partner are devalued and insulted, when children are rewarded for derogatory and rejecting behaviors towards the other parent, when one changes domicile with the aim of destroying the other parent’s relationship with the children, or when the non-custodial parent is accused of sexual assault or mental illness, arguing that they represent a danger to the minors, we are talking about Parental Interference, also known as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
Richard Gardner, a child and forensic psychiatrist, first defined this concept in 1985, explaining that the symptoms he observed in children after separation or divorce were hatred, contempt, and explicit rejection towards the other parent (normally towards the non-custodial parent), without justified cause. Currently, the American Psychiatric Association does not admit it as a “Syndrome”.
The parent who manipulates their children seeks the complete rupture of the bond with the other parent, which not only entails suffering but sometimes will be impossible to rebuild in the future. It is, many times, a form of revenge or of manifesting spite towards the ex-partner.
Pau is a 42-year-old man who has been separated for seven years from his ex-wife, Elena, with whom he has two children, Ona, 8, and Oliver, 6. Both have shared custody of the two children. Two years ago, Pau started a relationship with Carolina, who currently knows his two children and maintains close contact with them.
For the first four years after the separation, Pau admits that in order to avoid arguments with Elena, he often gave in to the requests and readjustments (of schedules, dates, etc.) that his ex-wife requested. However, since being with Carolina, he has tried to set clearer boundaries and stick as closely as possible to the agreement signed during the divorce. The reason he decides to act this way is because he needs to spend time with his new partner and have a very clear agenda to avoid setbacks.
Since this situation arose, Elena has adopted a conflictive, challenging attitude and has campaigned negatively against Pau in front of their children and mutual acquaintances. Elena has told Pau that “since he now doesn’t have time for his children because he is rebuilding his life,” he should consider giving her full custody of Ona and Oliver.
Elena avoids answering Pau’s calls, uses the children as intermediaries to send messages to their father, tells them that they don’t spend more time with her because their father doesn’t allow it, and that they don’t do the three extracurricular activities each wants because Pau doesn’t want to “shell out the money,” but that she is willing to give them everything.
Likewise, Elena calls Carolina “boring” in front of her children because she is a very calm woman who eats healthily and follows very healthy daily habits, which is promoted at home when the children are with Pau and her. Furthermore, Pau sets rules and when he has to discipline the children, they do so without hesitation. In contrast, at Elena’s house, they can watch Disney the rest of the afternoon, every Tuesday is “pizza day,” and “children are not disciplined because what they need is love and fun.”
Ona is the one who shows the most symptoms of parental interference, as she has often stated that being with mom is “cooler than being with dad.” She also points out that Carolina only makes them eat vegetables and that her father is very “scolding and in a bad mood.” Furthermore, at school, she is having problems with her classmates because she continuously boasts about the places she goes with her mother and the “brand-name” clothes they buy her, in addition to having a strand of hair dyed yellow by her mother, which is a reason for ridicule.
Upon seeing this situation, Pau sought guidance from a forensic psychologist. The expert gathered the case information and studied the possibilities of acting by filing a lawsuit against Elena. However, she concluded that suing for Parental Interference will not lead Pau anywhere, as in the eyes of the courts, this phenomenon does not exist because it is not pragmatically verifiable, unless real evidence such as videos, recordings, emails, etc., existed.
In this regard, she has suggested to Pau:
1. Wait for Elena to proceed with a lawsuit to obtain full custody of the children and then “prepare an adequate defense.”
2. With the children: “let the facts speak and not words, because children do not have the cortical maturity to understand adult reasons.”
3. Both children, especially Ona, must be under continuous supervision and attend psychological therapy if necessary.
4. Regarding extracurricular activities, be honest and point out that not all activities each of them wishes to do can be paid for.
5. Regarding parenting patterns and rules: “reinforce good customs and habits at home even if the parent initially seems boring, since what they do at the mother’s house cannot be controlled, but the children will grow up and become aware of the actions of each parental figure.”
Based on the case presented previously, it is highlighted that parental interference constitutes, for the minor and the alienated parent, a form of psychological and emotional abuse or mistreatment that should be taken into account by the courts. Without the intervention of justice, the alienated parent has no opportunity to solve the problem but to accept it and learn to live with it.
ISEP offers a Master’s in Forensic Psychology that equips you with the fundamental competencies for the practice of the forensic psychologist profession in its expert function, as an expert or advisor to the jurist and judge in judicial processes. You will acquire the necessary tools and knowledge for the preparation of forensic reports in different jurisdictions (civil, criminal, labor, minors,…) and their presentation (ratification) before Courts and Tribunals.