At ISEP, we are very grateful to Noemi González for this insight into couple’s therapy that she shares today on our blog. Noemi studied the Master’s in Clinical Sexology and Couple’s Therapy with us and has taken the opportunity we offer our students to tell us everything we should know about these therapies.
If you want to share your thoughts and experiences in the field of clinical psychology, contact us. We leave you with Noemí’s experience.
For many people, life as a couple is a world apart. (The movie “Naked” emphasizes this precisely.) Illusion and love are not enough. And despite what has been experienced, one arrives without the necessary experience to build a satisfactory and lasting relationship.
When is Couple’s Therapy Needed?
Many people wonder, are there symptoms within the relationship that are telling us we need to seek professional help?
From an ideal point of view, a couple’s relationship is a success when both feel satisfied and decide to make it last over time. There are couples who seek therapy without being in crisis. They suggest a professional point of view on their relationship, and propose acquiring new tools to improve the quality of the relationship in the future. However, there are relationships where symptoms do appear within the coexistence that are condemning, and they move away from the relationship built. NO exchange of reinforcements, NO reciprocity, Lack of skill in changing behaviors, Expectations about the other, and Communication deficit.
Couples face an average of one hundred small problems a year, regardless of whether it is a harmonious or a conflictive couple. It is not so much about the type of difficulty presented but about the skills they have to face and solve the problem.
What Does Couple’s Therapy Consist Of?
Couple’s therapy consists of projecting resolution skills. Stating the problem, stating the rules to consider before moving on to problem resolution. And projecting resolution skills; factors that negatively influence its non-achievement.
Couple’s therapy does NOT consist of discussing problems in therapy and looking for culprits. The idea that the other person wants to annoy us should be rejected, and immediate effects should not be pursued. Initial tools are given that help to break the negative cycle with positive reinforcements, and this makes the couple feel motivated and have another predisposition to commit and trust the work in therapy. On some occasions, we find couples in consultation who want to fight for the relationship but there is a third person, and they do not want to break up with them. In these cases, it must be advised that couple’s therapy cannot continue.
In any case, and for therapy to be effective, 40% depends on the couple’s motivation, 30% depends on the alliance created with the therapist, 15% is a placebo effect (venting), and the remaining 15% are the techniques applied in the study of psychology.
— You’ve changed.
— What’s wrong? Can’t I change?
— It’s just that before…
— Before, before, always before… You’re not the girl I fell in love with either, but I look for you and always end up finding something to fall in love with again. You have to decide if you want to fall in love with the present or if you will continue wanting to make love to my past.
He lay down, pulled me to his chest, and three seconds later kissed me like never before.